Seriously.

If he has really close girl friends, or if she has really close guy friends, what do you do to deal with it? Is it even something to deal with?

If you are really close friends with someone of the opposite gender and he or she has a partner, do you adjust your behavior? Does it matter to you?

Emotional intimacy and dependency is tricky. And, such a blur line between reasonable jealousy and overbearing possessiveness. 

And, do differences in age make a difference or none at all towards the possibilities of crossing any lines?

Friends included. Batteries sold separately.

I know it sounds bad, but we all sorta choose our friends. Or we at least choose the level of interaction we have with those whose personalities just don’t gel with our own. 

But “second generation” friends are a little bit more complicated. Y’ know, the friends you suddenly gained because they are friends with the person you love. 

You didn’t get to know each other from ‘neutral’ ground. They are his friends and you are his friend. 

You never shared the same experiences that bind them together. Hell, you might not even like them. On your own, you might never have interacted with them on the same level. 

But here you are, his friends are your friends now. You want to show up to support, to just show up, to exist in the same world… but you also get pretty uncomfortable. Personality clashes and all that jazz. They are not bad people, just very different and you kinda don’t have a choice.

Considering also my very limited supply of social energy, it’s oftentimes very stressful. It’s one thing to be in a relationship with an extrovert, it’s another to gain a bunch of extroverts as friends. You can imagine how it drives me nuts. Get ready, put on smiley face, put on bright eyes, get ready to laugh, nod, talk and talk and talk, breathe, it’s getting too loud!, breathe, smile.

 

Okay, I probably made this sound much worse and crazier than it really is, but I think I speak for most introverts when I describe how a cacophony of sirens and horns go off in our minds when we find ourselves in such situations.

Despite all that, I want to love because it’s what Jesus commands. It’s not like situations could change so I can only pray and hope that God helps to deal with it. And I suppose I don’t have to like them to love them… Right? 

Perhaps I’ll love them from afar. ;p

Knotted

I cry when I'm extremely extremely frustrated. You know that feeling like your heart is tied up in a very very tight knot and you can't unravel it. There's nothing but frustration.

Also a sign that I've finally run out of 'social energy'. Flatlined. Coded. 

This time, I feel alone too, even while seemingly needing to be alone. Horrible irony. More frustration. 

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge,
take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you;
you will find a solace there.

Too many

Too many things going on…

Hence, too many thoughts…

Too many things to say…

And hence, too many of those to pen down…

Too little time and energy to do that… (and not sure where to start)

Too many thoughts bottled up…

Too bottled up to talk…

Too bottled up to talk about being bottled up… (at least I got that done today)

There. My best attempt at summarising it all…

One bad side effect that comes to mind now: being unable to talk about real stuff leads me to chatter about empty stuff. Which leads to emptiness and dissatisfaction amidst the fullness. And the emptiness and dissatisfaction add to ‘too many things going on’ and so on.

Oh, the irony.