sad

now i'm feeling quite down..
i wonder if it is a moodswing.. today i just felt lousy. it wasnt that bad. but i just didnt want to do much. just quite low energy. pushed myself to enthusiasm for the games during BAY. but the captain's ball was the final straw. i always knew i suck at it. so by right, i shouldnt be bothered if i played the usual way, that is, very badly. but no. i'm still very discouraged after the game. discouraged to the point where the only way i cheer myself up is to come up with some lousy explanation for my existence in the team, or rather just the game. i figured that my job was to distract some of the opponents.. like bring them away from the ball and from my other team mates. so that my team mates are free to catch the ball.. just running around to tire other ppl out. and myself in the process... yep.. that's my job.
i'm so not playing anymore of that game.
sports are not my cup of tea. really.
ugh
so i really felt like running straight home. but i cant. there was the adult cell group meeting at my place. don't wanna meet them. so i had to eat dinner out and somehow stay out til after 9? but how. so i want to go home but i dont want to go home too.. thank you cherie! for being around. i couldnt stand being around people i dont usually talk to. and worse still, today i just couldnt bring myself to talk to others. just couldnt i figured it's more than coming out of your comfort zone. it's also the connection. there's just some people you cant talk to. and me? i'm the worst person someone should ever find to talk to. never talk to me for fun. you'll find yourself walking away after a very short awkward conversation.. if you would even consider that a conversation. and i cant approach people, say hello, they say something funny, i dont understand but still laugh along. so fake.

ugh. why!!!!!!

oh yes.. another problem that must have caused this 'depression'. on monday, was supposed to go concert with shu and sinyee. but suddenly there's my cousin's wedding dinner. told my parents but even though they kind of allowed me to skip the event, they were kind of not very happy.. esp my mum. but shu's taking it as a rare chance for the 3 of us to hang out. ugh.. so i decided to forego the concert, but still spend the afternoon before the dinner hanging out with them. but i was worried for the whole day that she was unhappy with me. yep.. things are okay now but it was a dilemma.

sigh.. hope i'm fine by tomorrow...