sometimes i really waste time thinking about stupid things. things of the past. but yet cherished memories. and lifetime regrets.
i can never forget my first real home. technically it's the 2nd cuz the first year of my life was spent in a place somewhere in Bedok. but emotionally, it's the first. 15 years or so.
i cant believe it's been 1 and a half years since we left. but stupid me. i placed so much importance in my commitments to PW, to church camp, to band. that i hurriedly packed. that i didnt even say a proper goodbye to my home. when we were still there, i often imagined how i'd feel when we moved. i knew i would be really sad. but that never happened cuz i didnt physically move the stuff. i wasnt involved. i didnt get myself involved. cuz i thought the other things were more important. i left in the morning for school, as usual. and 'returned' to the new home. so caught up in JC life. in the new leadership. in the much more dynamic band activities. that is something i can probably never forgive myself. maybe it's stupid to place so much sentimental value in a house. but yeah, i'm stupid. 15 years! when i think back, i feel so upset i could cry.
any moment now i can close my eyes and see that place. every single detail. as if we were still living there. yes, i've grown into this current home, but if someone brings me back to that place exactly as it was, i'd still feel at home. it will feel so right to be there. our private place. our home. this current place is now home, but to me, it still lacks something. maybe long-lasting memories.
but of course, dont dwell on the past Hozanna!!!! ugh move on. for this is a temporary home anyway right? the real one is UP there.. we should embrace change. though i really dont want to do, but have to.
3 comments:
aww... i understand. I left my flat in marine parade in a hurry too.. never took pictures of that room which becky and I toiled over, with my starry night sky and red curtains... and my dresser which I could curl up on and cry and stare at the mirror for hours... I was at bay camp... just after As... =) only stayed there for 2 years, but I guess i really liked that place... next to ecp.. now yishun (haha... when I'm there) never ever feels like home to me. sigh. oh well...
*hug* =)
hey gal :) I felt that way too when I moved from Jurong to AMK. Though AMK was my childhood home back when I was a wee tot, it was still a blur when I moved back. All my teenage years were spent in Jurong, from P4 to after O's, so a huge part of me is still there. I miss my big room (it was bigger back then), my room view of my neighbourhood park, and mostly my pri school friends who went on with me to sec school.
But yup, like you said, we should look ahead towards being with HIM, instead of dwelling in the past :) it's hard, and human emotions are always causing us to regret, but hey, HE knows us up, down , left, right, every part of us. :)
Continue to JIA YOU and take a good rest in between papers!!! :) *hugs*
I SO agree. it was so messed up and killed me to simply pack things so they looked neat cos we had so much trash but it was still home. i wish i'd video taped every part of the place, but i guess there's no need cos like you, i think i can remember all of it. walking at night, there was no need for any light because we knew it all, knew it well. Hey, at least right now, you have your room. make it yours. make your memories. the physical will always affect us a lot, because we live in the physical. i guess the important thing is to remember it's not that important in the big big big picture, but for now lah, it matters.
love,
hozea
Post a Comment