i'm at this point in my life where I feel urgent to make the decision. urgent to go somewhere. feeling that I NEED to settle it, now. I feel it is inevitable I'll stop serving BAY. and it is already happening. but I feel before I go, there's got to be someone stepping up cuz there is no one else. But there still isn't anyone and there's this sense of urgency. Like a pre-run/pre-sprint little jog-on-the-spot thing. NEED TO GO. NOW. but there isn't anyone. and I am worried. because I am already not fulfilling the responsibility given to me. and I feel guilty. feel sorry. feel bad. and things are going from bad to worse, gradually. we almost don't see it. but now we do. and there's ALOT to do. ALOT to pray for. we NEED to pray. MUST. we can't lose it. We've gotta to work hard.

I must set aside time during my five days in the Home Away From Home during the week to do BAY stuff. must.

And still, I say, with all these problems... that everything's different when we see it with God as the centre of it all. different from when we think from a human's point of view. We are set apart from the world, and we have hope in Him. we should have no reason to despair, only hope.

"1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. "
Hebrews 12:1-2