Collections.

When you're too old to be taken care of, yet still too immature to care for another, you're basically left alone.

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Why go talk, when all I end up with is discouraging, insulting, putting-down words? Keep falling into that trap.

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Why continue, when all I end up with is a sense of inadequacy? Absolutely determined and sure of avoiding that trap.

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Fear. No guarantees whatsoever. Why's it so hard? I don't think it was meant to be so hard. I'm told I'm being hard on myself. I can't help it; if I'm not hard on myself, I don't think I'll even care.

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Renew. I should quickly commit seriously to finding my way back. I've been living 'perfectly' like a non-believer. Abominable! I made a commitment briefly - but nonetheless seriously - last night. But yeah, I'm human, and I'm so fallen, and so lazy.

For now, I can only rely on these brief moments of remembering who I am and who I should become. It's almost as if I'm suffering a disease in this walk with God; I keep forgetting where I am going and stray away. I remember briefly, turn back, but my memory slips again. Plus, I'm lazy.

So, pray for me, if you can. I don't know if I actually seem stable and right with God; I'm stable alright, stable doing nothing, if not sinning my life away. Gabs felt that there should be no such thing as allegiance to the other city for us, that there was only weakness to temptations; well, I either disagree with him, or I'm actually not one of 'us' at all. Because, the way I see myself, I think I've been doing a pretty good job showing my allegiance to the other city where evil thrives. Muahaha, evil moi. Er, right.

So, here it is. At least I'm admitting I have a problem (problems?), at least I'm struggling, that's a good sign of saneness, right? Most of the time I'm just too lazy to do anything about it. Or like I said, I forget that I have a problem. Forgetful, much?

Last thing, I absolutely detest how I claim to be Christian, yet am full of problems. But who said we'll be free of them? I am very blessed actually; I just don't talk about them, well, because I'm just precisely the sort of person that tends to talk about the bad and sad stuff.

Ciao.