where two or three come together

It's just about half a month into 2009 and I think I might have met up/hung out more times than I can remember in 2008. I suppose that's good? - that I'm not 'moping around' at home. Well, I am still moping around at home; just less than would have been. People are successfully dragging me out of my house!

Still, it hasn't been all bright and shiny. After all, I wasn't made to be all bright and shiny (shamelessly stealing that phrase from GA). But I'm aware that inspite of the constant looming darkness, there is pure light ultimately - the victory. Now all that's left for me is to live out that 'awareness'.

I'm done with idealistic declarations. Sure, God is good, and I believe that. But that sentence alone, albeit assuring, is not practical at all. In spite of all that we believe in, and all that we are taught from the Bible, people like us just don't get it, we keep straying away. And why?* Because the fact remains that life overwhelms us so very easily. By default, we actually really first believe in what we can see, rather than what we can't. So, how can we really live out a christian life, without being deceived by surreal notions, while going through the daily motions of life on earth? Unfortunately, I haven't an answer, because I'm in that rut myself.

I think many people will have countless answers to that, and suggest countless practical ways. I don't know what works, but I believe (and the Bible suggests so) that this 'gathering of God's people' thing works its own magic.. or rather, God's power. It takes away that Sunday christian thing (because we see each other on other days), it is not a surreal deception (we take part in our normal daily activities), it reminds us of God (because well the people you meet are God's people too) and perhaps many other good points. It's not a big thing really, and you don't have to be hardcore about it. It can be light-hearted and fun! To me, it's like a practical, living-it-out reminder, to care for others daily, to live for God.

*(I suppose some might argue about this along the lines of whether 'we' are true christians or not. I'm so weak at doctrinal truths and knowledge, I can't argue. I'm just speaking for myself when I say that people can truly confess and believe in God, and yet face the constant struggle of choosing to sin or not.)

The worship team played the song below during offering time last Sunday. The words speak so accurately of how it's been for me; the countless times I've strayed away and how I am unable to give my life up. But more for me, it's not just the lack of strength, also the lack of courage and lack of faith. In a sense, I'm an unwilling one. Like this quote I saw in the book "Reaching for the Invisible God": Oh God I don't love you, I don't even want to love you, but I want to want to love you! - Teresa of Avila. That's the way it is.

How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it once more.

Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength
to give it away to You Jesus

How many times have I turned away
The number is the same as the stars in the sky
But every time You've taken me back
And now I pray You do it tonight.

I have no plan or strategy to find my way back; hah! none of my half-hearted plans ever worked. I suppose the so-called strategy now is to take things one at a time. Like, not having preconceived expectations. Like, just seeing what happens next.

Ah, there's so much more to say. So much more that I've got to have faith about, to break through, to throw away, to kneel down to, to acknowledge. But for now, one thing at a time.

I'm genuinely glad that two or three of us had, and will, come together.
"For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst." Matthew 18:20 NASB