I'm full of...

..dreams. No, not ambitions or goals, but dreams that you get when you're asleep. So I daydream alot too, but I also get plenty of dreams. I wonder why.

What is/are the source(s) of dreams? Subconsciousness? God? Most of the time, they're completely new events, nothing you've ever experience. And we usually feel like we're trapped in the dream story, unlike daydreaming where we think up the story.

I'm full of it. One cool thing, is that sometimes I could sort of control it if I didn't like the way the story was going. Hah, but I believe that I'm already half-awake at that point, forcing things to go my way. But it's very helpful for turning a bad dream to something neutral. At least I don't get killed by that monster. People call this lucid dreaming, and I could be an oneironaut! Hah! So anyway, in that sense, I don't think I get very restful sleep, I'm busy directing and acting out a dream movie!

Some of my dreams are really fascinating stories, that I keep running them through my head the moment I wake up, and then I write them down. Most recently was one about an armageddon time, some of us were saving the world. There was another, that I can't remember the story, but I remember being very very anguished and sad and crying for someone. And I wake up feeling very exhausted.

Why the talk about dreams today? Because this morning I had a dream that was pretty depressing for me, being useless and left out and worse off than people younger than me and with friends who don't really care. It was horrible and it felt just like an exaggeration of what's true. But I didn't think to change it. Maybe I just like to indulge in self-pity, hurh.