It's so easy to go insane. staying alone AND trying to study, unsuccessfully of course. yes, going insane.

And in every person, there lies a whiny child. I want to go home. I want to Not study. I want to just watch tv and movies. I don't want to do anything else. I don't want all this stress. I just want it all to stop. And then one starts to cry because all that WILL NOT happen. And that's when it's depression. Ha ha. Madness.

BUT
no matter how much I may want to just lie down and drown myself with thoughts of how miserable this phase of life is, I NEED to complete my lab reports. Eck. Like switch back to the horrible reality. only AFTER I finish those reports can I go back to being melancholic.

BUT
I also know I can't do that. Can't be depressed. Can't. because I'm supposed to have hope. I always tell people this but I myself never do it.
Oh well. I'll be alone (or with Father, Son and Holy Spirit) in my little room in the far west end of Singapore. And nobody, but Father Son and Holy Spirit, may know how I am. And that's perfectly fine. I'd love that.

Anyway, somehow, it's ironic. ironic that I AM away from home, so I should have more freedom? but when I feel really choked up from studying in this small room, and just want to get away.. there's nowhere. And I walk to the doorway, and perhaps smell the fresh air. And then I retreat back to the study table. Nowhere else. Nowhere outside, where I can be alone, without being 'caught' or seen, and without being thought to be crazy or 'loser' because I'm all alone and lonely. Oh, she has no friends. poor thing. No friends in hall, that's really sad.

OH, what was that all about.. bleah.

Okay okay. Lab reports.