Oh it's so absolutely tiring. Not talking about the GL thing and Lindy Hop thingS I have to do, although they ARE absolutely tiring. I'm talking about having to put up with a certain invisible pressure that threatens to suffocate the life out of me when I go There.

Awhile ago, I wanted to say, I don't understand how people can stand being in a place that they don't want to be and be able to endure the hours and do things that really require a certain desire to do so. But now, I think maybe, Maybe, I have the answer, that these people are the Lukewarms. Me? I guess I have to be the fortunate soul to be Cold, rather than Lukewarm. So I am not an okay-so-so blank-eyed fool. But I'm the one that's fighting to get away, fighting.. just pushing away. THAT is absolutely tiring. And it's draining me. Telling me to go on down the oh-let's-forget-it path. Because even if I did turn back, it is not guaranteed that I will not tread down this wretched path again. Who knows. That's, of course, if this path even exists in the first place. If it didn't, it means I've been trying to run away while always on the same spot.

Just tired. And screaming inside, at every moment. Wanting to give up at Everything, at every moment.