d/c-ed

I feel disconnected. No, I am disconnected. From everyone and everything.. worst of all, from God. Probably have been this way for some time, until I suddenly though to look up and around and see myself trapped in.. disconnectedness. It feels worse this way; if you stay oblivious, you'd never have to feel trapped.

Everyone's moving on. Life moves on for them and they go out and experience wonderful things. They progress and they grow. They live.

I'm trapped in routines and addictions. Addicted to routines, because it's good if nothing changes.

Trapped, because I want to get out. But the other part of me wants to stay in, close my eyes and just forget it. Everyday I lose to that part of me. See? I even know that that's a loss.

I could tell myself that I'm praying, and that I'm holding on. The likely truth is that I have already lost that stronghold long ago, and have sunken into this thing.

Meaningless meaningless. I while myself away with meaningless things. What's the point?