Maybe I should feel flattered that people tend to feel alright with being really negative and bad-mood-y and sad and complaining, around me. I should feel flattered because that means that I seem trustworthy enough and reliable enough and positive enough to go through all that. that I will encourage or simply listen, share some burden. OR, I'm simply too worthless for them to even consider holding back those negativity. I'm not demoralised because I don't receive any encouragement. On the other hand, I either receive too much discouragement, OR my hope is being suck out by them, without being replenished. Okay maybe a few months ago, it's no problem. But now, I really am in no position to take all that crap. No deep roots in the soil, no anchor, no foundation, no solid rock upon which I could stand.

Sure, on the surface, we all seem really good and happy and silly jokes everywhere. But, underneath, there's a subtle extraction of positive-ness , and a similarly subtle input of negative-ness. Do you even realise you're pulling me down with you, or even lower?

We all have bad moods. And even I am guilty of this. Of freely letting that 'negativity' leak out everywhere, affecting everyone. How selfish we can be. Why do you come if you only wanted to sulk and frown and be all irritated when I ask about it? Why come to me, when, clearly, you do not seek help, but only try to seek some justice for yourself, by treating me as if it was my fault? Hey, I was just minding my own business when suddenly you came along and punished me for nothing. I don't deserve that from you.

I concluded once, that friendships in hall were mostly superficial. Now, I re-conclude, that friendships in hall ARE superficial. Suddenly, I find fellow Christians only in church and in C organisations. But out of these places, the others are not 'fellow'. They're... superficial.

Months ago, I would try to make things better, try to help you. Now, I don't have the strength to do so, and I can't be bothered. So, good luck to you, 'friends'.